Diary of a DS (Dieting Struggler)

Does anyone else struggle to lose weight, or is it just me?

I am (in)famous amongst my friends for hating exercise and complete love of food, which is the worst combination and quickest route to obesity. They say a moment on the lips, is a lifetime on the hips but in my case, "a moment on the lips, is a lifetime on the hips, face, tummy, arms, thighs and so on…”

My arch enemy in life is someone who puts away food like they’ve been starving for one month, yet doesn’t seem to gain any damn weight! This is the same person who will go to the loo one time and lose 4lbs, giggling at the mystery of it all! Whilst I eat one slice of bread and I pile on a stone the next day.

To clarify, I hate the gym and running specifically. I know everyone says they hate the gym but I honestly think I have a phobia of the gym; so much so, I actually Googled whether there was an official term for this…wait for it - "Gym Phobia”. Original, I know. What is it I hate so much about the gym? Well (a) the exercising element obviously (b) the often arrogant people who think they’re hot when they’re fucking not - applies to boys and girls (c) having to look like a sweating potato, degrading myself in front of total strangers, all of whom have 100 times better level of fitness than I.

As for running, don’t get me started. I hate running as much as I hate the gym. I hate running so much, that I refuse to run for the train, even if I need to catch it. I would rather wait for the next train than run like an idiot, with areas of my body jiggling rather inelegantly. The worst is when you run to catch the train like a mad woman - that’s when you know I’m really running late - but still end up missing the damn thing! You then get the smirkers and the sympathisers. The smirkers who are pleased you missed it and therefore have more room to read their papers and the sympathisers who have been in your situation, therefore know how embarrassed you are. They do that weird sympathising, scrunched up nose expression… like, oh, you poor thing…

The worst runners are the ones who choose to run early in the mornings, when they could instead have a nice, relaxing lie-in. When I used to have to work on the weekends, I remember begrudgingly getting into the car on a cold and frosty morning and driving past these crazy breed of people who would choose to run in the cold at 6am on a Saturday morning. The angel on my shoulder deemed it enviable and proud of their commitment and dedication (yardy yardy yahhhh) but the devil on my shoulder wanted to open the window, throw rotten tomatoes at them and shout “what the fuck is wrong with you Mildred, go back to bed you psycho!!!!”

As for my love of food, well, it’s disgusting. I love eating out specifically and that’s the problem as it’s often unhealthy and you don’t know what’s really in your meal. These meals are often GM foods, and contain a high level of sugar and salt. But at the same time, that’s what makes it taste so damn GOOD! As much as I love eating out at high end restaurants (and I’ve been to a fair share in my lifetime), I will also embarrassingly admit, I am a huge junk food whore. I don’t discriminate as I love KFC, Burger King and MacDonalds as much as any other fat kid.

I own an iPhone and I love categorising my apps because I’m an organisational freak. I have a category for food and drinks (obviously) and this folder contains apps for Starbucks, Costa, Domino’s pizza, Deliveroo, Ocado, Caffe Nero, Burger King, Uber Eats and All Bar One. Sad, maybe but extremely useful. There’s no better feeling when you’re hungry but you know Rodrigo is on his way to you with some hot and delicious food.

I used to be that person who would take out a gym membership and not go. We all know one of those people in our friendship groups. In my friendship group, that twit is me. When I used to briefly live in Hertfordshire, I joined a gym, attended one time and then didn't attend again for the next 4 months. This gym was kind enough to send me a letter home, asking if I was okay. No joke. My gym literally thought I had died, as my attendance was that poor, it was practically non-existent.

In line with turning over a new leaf for the new year, I started to see a personal trainer. Don’t get me wrong, I previously had a bad experience with a personal trainer at Virgin Active gym. I told her I was a complete newbie, hated exercise, and that is why I needed support from her and to go gentle at first. After one session, she set me a task of exercises to complete at home, before our second session. I’m not exaggerating and this is what she told me to do the equivalent of in one week: 500 squats, 300 sit ups, 150 burpees, 400 hyper extensions, 250 push ups, 20 minutes of planking, 100 lunges and 100 mountain climbers. Just to make it clear, I struggle to do 1 push up, let alone 250. Also prior to this, I thought a mountain climber was a human who climbs mountains. Just saying.

Needless to say, this experience scarred me because the personal trainer couldn’t understand why it was a struggle for me to complete the exercises. She was clearly using a template of exercises for a fitness world champion but failed to see how it could demotivate me and make me feel like shit about myself. Due to this, I decided Virgin Active gym and the trainer were not for me and I joined a new gym.

Since joining Nuffield, I have met a personal trainer who understands me and my level of fitness. Instead of berating me, she encourages me and my abilities. It probably isn’t anywhere near the standards of her other clients but at the same time, she recognises that for me, just to attend the gym once weekly is a huge mission and achievement in itself. There are often times, I cannot be bothered to go to the gym, or my energy level is particularly low but it’s gotten to the point where I will go for her, rather than myself, as I don’t want to let her down. It is team work after all.

The only exercise I truly love is dance, because in my eyes, it isn’t exercise and is simply an art I love doing. I have enjoyed dancing since an early age where I was classically trained in ballet from childhood but I gave that up in my teens as it wasn’t ‘cool or hip enough’. I have since tried flamenco, salsa, belly dancing, street, burlesque and pole, all of which I really enjoyed. I’d love to travel to Buenos Aires one time, and learn authentic Argentinian Tango - that’s on my bucket list.

I can’t give up my love of food and I honestly think that sometimes it’s healthier mentality to eat the foods you want - although everything should be in moderation - and exercise, rather than stressing over having to eat one celery stick for dinner because you have a calorie counting diet. What a miserable existence. I have a long way to go before I achieve the body I want to achieve, and before I am confident enough to wear a swim suit in public on my summer holiday but this year (for the first time), I am more motivated than I have ever been. Fingers crossed, I keep it up and lose this potato image!

Until next time xo