Diet Diary - Week 1

I have clearly gone crazy and decided to go on a diet. Yes, that dreaded ‘D’ word… diet - other linking words; dizzy, despair, desperate, death. For my friends that know me, this is truly shocking and no doubt, they will be extremely worried about my mental health or wondering whether I’m going through early menopause. For those wondering, the answer is “maybe” and “no”.

I knew there would be struggles, there wasn't any doubt about that, but how much of a struggle it would be…. I was about to find out. As some form of therapy, I thought it would be great to document my journey, woes, and mental breakdown ;)

Day 1:

I really struggled on day 1. I saw a lot of people sharing pizza videos/ pics on Insta Stories and it was so hard as I have such a huge weakness for pizza; authentic Napolitano pizza or a Dominoes, I don’t discriminate. I also watched Celebs Go Dating, where of course, all the dates are based around food and drinks. FML. 

It’s only when you’re dieting, it feels like your brain is programmed to miss a lot of foods you wouldn’t normally miss as much, because your brain knows you can’t eat it. 

I had visions of waking up dead in the morning, all shrivelled and wrinkly like a prune, and in preparation told my other half what music I’d like at my funeral… 

Of course it was all exaggerated feelings and I just woke up alive and plumpy. 

Day 2:

Ventured into central London (on what felt like 5 calories) and did a lot of walking. Still haven’t been able to go to a Holland & Barrett’s near me to find healthy snacks. One thing I’ve learnt in this process is how unhealthy “healthy” snacks are. Most disguised as healthy, in fact contain a lot of sugar, even if it’s low in calories. I discovered a fruit pouch, where each contains 60 calories and contributes to 1 of your 5 a day, but when I realised it looked like dog biscuits, I decided to give it a miss. No thanks. 

Day 3:

This was the first day of my diet where I had to face the biggest test of all time - lunch with a good friend and guess what, I failed miserably! I started the morning off well with my trusted boiled eggs and fruit combo (not mixed together!) but when I got to the restaurant, I didn’t want to be that knob eating a few strands of lettuce like a human sized rabbit so decided to let my inhibitions go (without any difficulties). I had a pizza, croquettes, probably a handful of edamame and loose leaf lettuce and washed it all down with two glasses of red wine. Lurverly.

Day 4:

I felt extremely tired today, and found myself constantly cursing under my breath like some crazed old lady. Unfortunately this diet has coincided with that special time of the month, so right now, I’m also cursing Mother Nature - stupid female dog! I guess this is normal for dieting with yo-yo feelings, ups and downs and wanting to eat cake all the time sigh…

Day 5:

I had a bit of a pamper sesh today, getting my nails holiday ready. I still feel like a bloated whale, which is not how I expected to look or feel! My weighing day and one week dieting anniversary is coming up on Sunday, and I’m feeling quite apprehensive. If I haven’t lost at least 1lb then I will order a massive Dominoes just as a big ‘fuck you’ to dieting.

*UPDATE*

I weighed myself, making sure I didn’t eat or drink anything too heavy beforehand. As I nervously stepped onto the scales, I had to blink twice and slap myself as I thought I was going crazy, no no… I have gained weight!

How can this be possible? I’d even emptied my pockets and have been eating like a fucking demented rabbit all fucking week! I’m fuming! I’m almost (almost) tempted to quit but I shake my anger off like a dog shakes wee from it’s leg and vow to continue with determination and enthusiasm….. after my holiday in Seville. After all, it is rude not to sample the local croquettes and beer… when in Rome, and all that jazz.

Until next time xo