TGE (The Gatwick Experience)...

With an early morning flight, there are always feelings of anxiety (don’t ask me why), therefore to make the transition easier, we decided to stay the night at the Sofitel hotel at Gatwick airport which is always nice. 

I never really feel excited about my holidays until the moment I land and the feeling of hot air touches my skin. The thought of check in, long queues everywhere and going through security is literally the biggest holiday libido killer. 

When you’re cleared through security and you approach the world duty free area, it’s almost as if you can hear heaven’s choir singing behind you and you’ve landed in a Disney Land for adults. 

Here you’ll find people shopping as if there has been a lifetime ban until this point, queueing at Weatherspoons like it’s the hottest restaurant in town and drinking at ridiculous hours of the morning because the airport is the only place where it’s acceptable to do that without looking like a raging alcoholic. 

I often make a beeline for Boots (for last minute essentials), arm myself with a Starbucks coffee (to prepare myself for the flight) and then hit the shops with such determination you’d think my life depended on it. 

To be honest, the shops at Gatwick are such a let down, especially compared to Heathrow therefore you have to assign yourself to buying specific things or nothing at all. First world problems indeed... 

For some reason, the process all the way up until getting on the EasyJet flight was easy. Almost too easy. We all boarded the plane and were ten minutes ahead of schedule when the pilot made the announcement that air traffic control had delayed our flight by over an hour for no apparent reason really. Fan-fucking-tastic. I should have know it was too good to be true.

At least on the flight there, we were kindly provided free entertainment in the form of a sleeping man in the aisle seat next to us. He was initially obnoxious and speaking loudly on the phone to whom I thought was his lover and doing cringey waving through video call - almost talking over the air hostess whilst she was trying to do the safety announcement. She gave him looks which indicated that she felt the same way I did - wanting to taser him in the nuts. The person on the phone turned out to be his mum who he would be seeing when he landed anyway - a momma’s boy, even worse. 

I have never seen a heavier sleeper in my life (whilst doing his best catfish impression) and he slept sideways meaning his feet were in the aisle. This was a nightmare for air staff who wanted to pass by without running over his feet. They attempted to wake him by shaking him but when that failed to work, they resorted to physically moving his legs and feet back into his area but this failed to wake him either. Unbelievable. I honestly think a defibrillator would have failed to wake him but would have been the first to volunteer had they asked. Damn, missed opportunities…

xo